Gaffer Family Tree
Hey people of TOS (and beyond)!
Welcome to the official wiki page of the Gaffer Family Tree!
Before you start reading this page, please note that we did spend some time making the family tree and writing a background story. If there's something on this page that does not correspond with reality or which you'd rather keep a secret, please ask one of us to remove or change it, and do not change anything without asking us. Because if everyone would be changing this page whenever they felt like it, it would turn into a chaotic mess.
How the family tree came to be
Looking at this family tree, with the weird background story, most people will either immediately exit this page or start questioning our sanity. Which is totally okay; even I questioned my own sanity quite a few times since we started working on this family tree. Nevertheless, we continued working on it. Why? Because even though it is bullshit, it's still our bullshit and we like it. We're bored, and this family tree can be really entertaining.
So, if you haven’t left this page yet.. You're probably wondering how we even started this family tree. (And in case you were not: just roll with it.) It’s kind of a weird yet typical story, actually..
It was a normal, sunny day, and - let's rewind.. I'm actually not sure. Maybe it was sunny, but maybe it was raining. Then again, maybe it was only raining in the Netherlands, while it was like 30 degrees wherever you were at that exact moment. So, let's just keep it on; it was a day. Nobody knows what day, because nobody cares to remember. The Moredain were building their stupid walls, like always, and they were bored, like always. This time, however, they didn't just start some pointless riot, but they managed to start something way bigger: a family tree.
Nobody actually knows why (I should ask them sometime) but two guys, Sebroul (now: Erio_FrozenBlood) and 1sdf7df7 were fighting. Not a pvp-fight or, I don't know, a npc-battle, nope. They were throwing 'insults' (though I'm not sure those 'insults' can be considered actual insults) at each other. The last one to shout anything was 1sdf7df7, saying he didn't like Sebroul. Of course, knowing the Moredain, they couldn't stay out of it. They were bored out of their minds and these two random guys had just presented them with a new form of entertainment.
'I do like you, Sebroul. Let's be friends.' Was what started this all. Sterre couldn't keep her mouth shut and seeing how the Moredain love to fight each other (even though they hate fighting others) Cow decided 1sdf7df7 would be his new buddy. Shortly after, Ender solemnly informed them (after Sterre and Cow tried to make him choose sides, of course) he wasn't able to choose either of their sides, because 1sdf7df7 was his daughter, and Sebroul was his son. It didn't take him long to admit that both Sterre and Cow were his children as well, that Tinty was his brother and that Aglarion was his mother. And that, my really patient readers, is how this family was started and how this family tree came to be. These were the first additions of the Gaffers’ Family Tree, followed by many more.
History of the Gaffers
The first Gaffer was Geronimo “ZZorken” Gaffer, who'd be known as the Grandpa of all. Nobody knew anything about his ancestry for sure, but he himself had always told them many stories about how he was raised by wolves and how he had been on many adventures. He liked to tell the most extravagant and excessive tales about how he had travelled through Middle-Earth and seen every corner of their world. Tales that were loved by the young ones, but doubted by most. But that, my dear reader, was Grandpa Gerri for you.
As many young lads before him and many young lads after him did, Gerri Gaffer fell in love. The lucky person he fell in love with was Wilco “Aglarion_II” Rumble, king of the Moredain. They had met during one of Geronimo’s journeys through the Far Harad Savannah, when Geronimo had accidently walked into a Moredain hunting party. Naturally, Wilco wanted to meet the person that was trespassing his territory. But instead of sending him away or sacrificing him to the Great Lion, god of the Moredain (which was the normal procedure), he allowed Gerri to stay. Soon after, Wilco and Geronimo got married and together they formed the beginning of the Gaffer Family Tree.
Together, Geronimo and Wilco Gaffer had two sons; Lars Gaffer and Tommy Gaffer. Seeing how Geronimo had never given up on travelling, and how Wilco was the king of the Savannah, their children had a lot of freedom and mainly took care of themselves. This is probably how they somehow managed to find a way to clone themselves and get away with it without anyone knowing what exactly happened or how they did it. Their cloning experiment didn’t result in just one clone, but two of them. At first, everyone was confused as to what to do, but eventually they managed to adjust. After all, saying that the Gaffers were used to craziness was an understatement.. Kelly and Benjamin Gaffer were accepted as their son and daughter and became the newest additions to the family tree.
It didn't take the youngest of the brothers, Tommy “Endershroom” Gaffer, long to find his soulmate in the lovely Rudy “Webskee” Kovalski. Therefore, they got married soon after and started their life together. Sadly, Tommy's brother Lars “mr_tinty” had not yet seen the light - he didn't want to marry. He did however take care of his son and daughter (or, as he still liked to call them, his clones) and his family never stopped hoping. Who knows, maybe he would find his own soulmate someday.. Even if he didn't try to find him or her himself, his family would always be there to help him. (You're welcome, Tinteh)
Together, Tommy and Webskee had four children. First they got twins, a girl named Charlene “1sdf7df7” and a boy named Lloyd “Erio_FrozenBlood” Gaffer, followed by a daughter, Sterre “sterrieperrie99”, and a son named Diego “DaGamer9901” Gaffer. The newest additions to the Gaffers didn't really go easy on their parents - the twins were always fighting, while their younger sister wandered outside all the time, even though she was never armed or prepared to take on any danger. And then there was Diego.. Well, let's not get started on him. Though, I think we'll all agree on the fact that if your father has to tell you to 'stop trying to hump your sister', you're not exactly an easy child either.
Since the children had inherited their grandfather’s curiosity and interest in adventures, they had all left home when they were old enough. The only one who came back to live in Far Harad with their family, was Sterre. Her siblings had all left Harad to find a new place to live, preferring the more normal temperatures over the heat of the Desert and the rain of the Savannah. The twins had both decided to travel to Dale and had soon lost contact with their family members (though there had been reports/messages about how they still fought quite often). Diego, the youngest of them all, settled down as a High Elf of Lindon and was surprisingly (or not) the first of them to get married and start a family.
When Diego met Carlos “sindre123456” Stumbletoe of the Rohirrim, it was love at first sight. Carlos was a nice guy and a good person, though slightly aggressive towards Diego’s Moredain family members for no apparent reason. They got married and gave birth to a son (nobody's sure who exactly gave birth to a son, because nobody knows who the woman in this relationship is). Their son was named Tommy II “Lient” Gaffer, with his name being his grandfather’s, seeing how both Diego and Carlos really admired Tommy I Gaffer.
Meanwhile, the clones of Tommy and Lars Gaffer grew older and both Benjamin and Kelly started a family as well. Benjamin “cow232” Gaffer got married to Tim “Legginglas” Cumberhill and together they had one son, whom they named Nico Gaffer. Nico “nicodeadoralive” Gaffer had a pleasant childhood, even though his parents didn't live together, which meant he had to travel a lot. He had to admit that it was kind of tough sometimes, since he always had to miss one of his parents. He got used to it though, and he did appreciate the fact that he had seen a lot of the world whilst travelling with his parents, even though he was still fairly young. During one of the first journeys he made by himself, he met Lavender “Yoeki” Diggle, a girl who loved travelling as much as he did. After seeing the two of them together, it didn't really surprise anyone when they announced their engagement.
Lavender and Nico became the proud parents of the twins Craig “CrugzmugTheTroll” and Mattice “Mattce_007” Gaffer, two boys that were really alike in both appearance and behaviour. Whenever they entered a room, they were quite hard to miss, since they tended to get really loud whenever they were enthusiastic. However, since they were the youngest of the Gaffers, their family mostly just accepted it and rolled their eyes over some of their antics - children..
However, even the youngest of children grow up someday. Which is what happened to the oldest of the twins, Mattice Gaffer. He had always prided himself with being fourteen minutes older and therefore slightly more mature than his twin. And perhaps, he had been right. Perhaps this was indeed what made the difference between them, and what made it possible for Mattice to meet his wife, Yvonne “GameWithLizzy” Clogg, before Craig would meet his future husband. Yvonne and Mattice.. it was love at first sight. Both knew it, yet both were having difficulties admitting it, seeing how they were really shy. Because of this shyness, we still don’t know how and when exactly they decided to confess their feelings, but we do know that they started a relationship quite some time ago.. Which is why we do not understand, how they’re still not married. I mean, man up, Matt! Damn this shyness, and just propose to the girl!
Several years before, Kelly “VeryDarkDino” Gaffer had followed her older brother, Benjamin, his example and got married. The lucky guy who she fell in love with was Henry “Henry3748” Beetlepop, king of Rohan, whom she had met in Aglar al-Harad, the capitol of the Moredain, when he was on one of his friendly visits, accompanied by his good friend Patrick “mewarmy” Diggle. Unlike her brother, who felt at home at Aglar al-Harad and had never left it again, Kelly didn't like staying at one place. She liked to travel around, and thanks to that there were multiple places she called home: her Savannah Hut just outside Aglar al-Harad, her Beach House on an isle far south and her place at Ain al-Harad. And those are only the ones that humankind knows of! Even though we don’t know for sure, we believe Kelly has even more houses. And we’re pretty sure at least one of them is located somewhere in Rohan..
At first, Kelly and Henry only had two sons together: Casper “Sir_Pandahead” Beetlepop and Dilbert “DebtFreeLYFE” Beetlepop. It wasn’t until some years later, that they were blessed with a daughter as well: Daisy “Ailinion” Beetlepop. Though Dilbert remained unmarried, his brother Casper (who had always been kind of desperate to get married) managed to find his soulmate, after proposing to several people (Several being at least twenty). Even though Casper and Craig “CrugzmugTheTroll” Gaffer were related (they were second cousins), they cared about each other a lot and they decided to get together. Shortly after Craig gave birth to their son, Leopold “Liodir” Beetlepop, he got really sick and died because of it. His husband and son were both really sad (even though Leopold was only a few months old but whatever, he was sad about it), as well as the rest of their family.
However, even before the disaster of Craig’s untimely death, Daisy Beetlepop managed to find her own soulmate as well. His name was Fritz “Gingilipho” Knochenus, and he originally came from the jungle of the Tauredain, whilst Daisy was raised among the Rohirrim. It was almost as if fate had decided that they were meant for eachother - it was merely a coincidence that they even met. They did meet, though, and after a short while of knowing eachother, they decided to settle in the golden woods of Lothlorien together. They always kept in touch with their family members though.
(To be continued)